I have nieces and nephews instead of children of my own. When my oldest nephew turned 15, I wrote him the following words and gave him a notebook to capture his own thoughts as he entered his pre-adult years.

It’s part of my own professional and personal practice to regularly take moments to reflect on what was, and what might be.  In those moments, I often get insights about the past that I will take into my future.  It’s also an excellent means to see that I am changing, that I do change, and how much I’ve changed. Reflective practice is a highly recommended habit for all change agents.

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Dear Nephew,

You’ll learn your own lessons, in your own way and your own time. Sometimes it’s helpful to learn from others; sometimes it’s comforting to know that others have or are learning the same lesson. Here’s what I’ve learnt and continue to learn.

No 1
There is no such thing as THE truth. There are many truths. Every person has many versions of the truth. If you seek truth; seek your own truth that feels right for that moment.

No 2
If others insist on doing something; then let them. Respecting other’s choices and decisions is important for both you and them.

No 3
Sometimes the best decision is to do nothing but stand still and let time pass. Sometimes it’s necessary to take yourself out of the game to get ahead. And things will take care of themselves.

No 4
When you are at peace after making a decision, then you probably made a good decision.

No 5
You don’t have to accept everything you are offered. Saying No can be about respecting yourself.

No 6
There is nothing certain in life. Embrace the moment. Be open to the possibility that something new can emerge when you are least expecting it.

No 7
Prepare to make mistakes, often. Mistakes give you valuable knowledge on how to do things differently and often, better. As Mark Twain says:  If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

No 8
Give to receive. Fire can’t give you heat until you give it fuel.

No 9
You are responsible for you. For the person you are and can become. You are the first person in which you should invest time, care, love and attention on. There is no guarantee in life that someone else will look out for you. (But be sure to let them if they do.)

No 10
Everything in the universe is constantly changing. Many of the cells in your body are renewed many times in your lifetime. You can rewrite or reinvent yourself.

No 11
The Universe is energy and a force. It has a way of being. Tell the Universe what you want or need and liberate your ‘word’ to be a creative force.

No 12
Many of the best journeys we take in life don’t go in a straight line, or even follow a familiar path. You’re as likely to achieve and learn something on the way, as when reaching a destination. As JR Tolkien says: Not all those who wander are lost.

No 13
Have great friends. Have ones that you can trust, with whom you feel safe, who look out for you and have your back. And be a great friend.  True wealth is having quality friends.

No 14
Don’t be mediocre. Don’t always be reasonable. Don’t allow anybody else to diminish you. Don’t shrink yourself just so others feel less insecure. There is no one like you, so let you be you – fully, wholly and with great spirit.

No 15
Have courage. Be prepared to let go what is familiar and try new things. Don’t settle for comfort and convenience. Be measured by how and who you are during challenge and controversy.

No 16
Creativity and insight comes from being mindful and fully present. Give your best attention to the work and people at hand. Also take and set aside time to be at rest, and be present in the moment for yourself.

No 17
You can’t always attribute a person’s behaviour as being their basic character. The presence of other people and the power in a place can affect a person and change their behaviour. This can be for good and for bad behaviour. Be mindful of your environment and the environment you create for others.

No 18
The end game is not where you get and what you’ve got; it’s who you are and who you become. We all get a different ‘deck (of cards)’ to play with – a successful life is about what you do with your deck (e.g. talents, opportunities).

No 19
We do not see things as THEY are – we see them as WE are. Our experience, knowledge and beliefs influence what we see and how we see things. We can never be truly objective. So when giving or getting an opinion or feedback, remember we can only share from our perspective, and keep this in mind when considering the value of what is said.

No 20
Ask questions. Find good questions to ask. You don’t have to get answers. Asking questions is a good way to have and keep an open mind – one that is not closed with prejudices and assumptions. Asking questions can lead you to insights you would not have gotten any other way. Questions can keep conversations and relationships alive.

What lessons have you learned in your adult years? What wisdom can you offer to others?

Author
Helen Palmer is Founder and Principal Change Agent at Questo. Like Winnie the Pooh, she ‘sits and thinks’ … and imagines how people can make a better life for others and themselves in their work scape. She likes to share those thoughts with the possibility that they inspire and initiate meaningful change.